


The Notebook

by NerdsNeedLoveToo



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Car Accidents, Life just isn’t fair, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 16:44:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14217420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdsNeedLoveToo/pseuds/NerdsNeedLoveToo
Summary: It's been three weeks since the accident when Pete and Derek go in search of a notebook where Zero kept all his team captain notes. Instead they found a box with two rings, and a different sort of notebook. In the end, everyone realized they'd never really known Zero or Jude at all.





	The Notebook

**Author's Note:**

> I can't stand that Zero is not coming back in Season 4. And I'm half afraid that the creators are going to turn him back into a total asshole and break Jude's heart. And mine. I can't believe I'm writing this, but I'd rather see this. We've all watched Gideon and Jude change and evolve. I'd like to see that evolution continue, even if it breaks my heart in a different way.
> 
> Also, I used the air date for the timeline.

It had been three weeks since the accident. Three weeks of practices and games for most of the Devils players. But not all. One prominent member of the devils was missing – lost to the team Christmas Eve when airbags in a Porsche battled a Hummer doing twice the speed limit, driven by a young man who tested three times the legal blood alcohol limit.

Pete Davenport had never felt so old. They’d experienced losses, but they’d always rebounded. But this one, just a day before Christmas, had thrown them all as they’d battled towards the championship. Everything seemed a little duller. The sounds more muted. Even basketballs normally dribbled with that twangy thump against the hardwood of the arena sounded tired.

“Hey coach,” Derek Roman hailed, trotting over. “What drills do you want us to run?”

Absently, Pete replied, “Check the notebook.” And froze.

The notebook. That singular place where the team captain kept notes on each player – strengths, weaknesses, what helped, what didn’t. Pete had no idea why he rubbed his chest a little when he made eye contact with Derek, and said, “I’ll get it.”

The empty locker room seemed unnaturally silent. Pete could hear his soft soled shoes against the floor as he made his way down the rows of cubbies. It felt like a violation when he paused in front of the one draped in black with Zero’s jersey hanging over it. The players waited for Jude to take it down. They all knew that cubby would eventually hang an encased jersey for the fallen baller, but for now it remained a private sanctuary. With hesitant hands, Pete picked off the hanging jersey with one hand and pushed aside the black curtain with the other. Everyone knew Zero carried a spiral notebook the size of a half sheet of paper. He’d been pretty damn vocal to those who kept shoving clipboards in his direction that they could shove those clipboards up their collective asses. Jude had later pulled Pete aside to tell me, “He’s got a thing for spiral notebooks.” Pete hadn’t wanted to know why the younger man’s cheeks had turned pink.

Spying the notebook, with the hand holding the curtain, Pete reached in and grabbed it from the shelf. When items fell onto the floor, Pete muttered, “Goddam it,” under his breath, let the curtain fall, and latched the jersey back into place. It took a moment before he bent down and froze.

On the floor lay a box, its lid fallen off, holding two rings, and a palm-size spiral notebook.

Pete dropped onto the bench, fatigue weighing him down. He reached for the box first, glancing up when he heard sneakers approach. Derek stared at the look on Pete’s face, before he noticed the box and let out a hard breath.

“Oh hell,” the player muttered.

Bypassing what he’d come here to find, Pete opened the small notebook instead. Derek stood behind him, gazing at the platinum rings, and then turning his attention away. On the first page, a Post-It note had been stuck to the page. In the middle of the Post-It, Zero had written, “Jude, I found this in your underwear drawer. The answer is Yes.” And scrawled in the margins, Jude had replied, “I haven’t asked yet.”

In the corner of the page, a date had been added. August 19.

“They had those rings before our wedding,” Derek stated, smiling slightly. He still remembered when Jude had ended up with the bouquet at his and Ahsha’s wedding. “That certainly explains the looks on their face.”

He knew he shouldn’t, but Pete couldn’t help it. He flipped a page, and found another sticky note. This time, the page had been dated August 23. It said almost the same thing.

This continued for several pages, until September 3, when notes began to be left in the notebook itself, instead of Post-It notes stuck to the page. Always, they began with Zero making a comment, and Jude replying.

“Who knew Zero would be the one with the pretty handwriting?” Derek asked.

_September 3  
When I kissed you in the middle of the arena, I’d been fully ready to give up playing basketball. I know why you have to stay. You give your heart so freely, you take my breath away. I can coach at the community center if it comes to it. God knows, I don’t need the money. I just need you._

_Gideon, I want you to be happy. I’ve invested both of our accounts well. Maybe we both need to walk away. You’re so much more than this game. I can watch over Lionel outside of the Devil’s arena, so long as I stay in LA._

 

“Wow,” Derek said. Jelena had been looking to get rid of Zero, and Derek found his admiration for his former adversary rising rapidly. “He really was prepared to walk away.”

Pete flipped the page.

_September 9  
Under the mattress is not the most creative place to hide rings. But I have been enjoying looking at them. I wasn’t being funny when I said you are my family. You are. And these rings symbolize that. My answer remains firmly yes. Now and Always._

_I haven’t had a chance to tell you in several days how much I love you. It seems we barely get a chance to sneak a kiss in the hall as we prepare for the upcoming season. So in case I don’t see you for another couple of days – I love you so much I ache. But I still haven’t proposed. Remember, patience is a virtue – or so I hear._

 

_September 18  
I haven’t seen you in five days. I’ve been living at the gym. And when I’m home, you’ve been heading out of town for meetings. I found the rings in the freezer this time. I almost panicked when the box was empty. Then I poured a drink. Those are some sparkly ice cubes we have. One day, if they melt, you’ll be able to slide a ring on my finger. My answer remains a firm Yes._

_I can’t believe we almost went a full ten days without each other. I almost jumped out of line at airport security when I watched the team pass. I told you once that you make me feel normal. It’s more than that. You make me feel loved. One day I’ll propose, but not today._

Pete flipped through the book a few pages, taking note the extensive number of pages that contained notes.

“They really loved each other,” Derek murmured, his throat constricting and his eyes beginning to water. “I wasn’t sure at first, but…”

“Yeah,” Pete replied, and turned to another page.

 

_October 21  
I found the rings in my dress shoes – the ones I’m putting on right now to go find you. I’m so sorry for the argument. You left so unhappy, and it hurts to see that look on your face. Always remember that no matter what, I stand with you. My answer will always be yes._

_You weren’t the cause of the argument, Gideon. It was all me. Sometimes my insecurities rear up and punch me in the face. I was looking for a fight. On the day I propose, there will be no arguments. There will be no insecurities. There will be no one else, particularly my father, fucking around with my head. I will propose completely clear headed and away from everyone we know. Maybe in Greenland._

 

_October 25  
My sock drawer is a worse hiding place than your underwear drawer! The suspense is killing me, babe. When the hell are you going to propose?_

_When you least expect it. And yes, I’m getting something out of stringing you along._

_October 31  
I found this in my garment bag after we checked into the hotel. Today is Laura’s birthday. Some days I wonder if I made a mistake in not dragging my sister into my shitstorm. I feel a gaping hole in my chest today, Jude. The only thing that makes it even a little better is knowing that I have you by my side. Always. I can’t wait to say Yes. And then, I do._

_Gideon, you are the bravest, most loving person I have ever met. Few have been gifted with a chance to see the real you. And I should probably tell you that your sister contacted our PR department and they sent her to me. She saw your picture in a magazine while waiting for a root canal. Apparently she broke down and cried. Freaked them out a little. She still needs a root canal._

Pete and Derek hadn’t realized they weren’t alone until one of the younger players, standing slightly behind Derek asked, “Did you know he had a sister?”

 

When Pete looked around the locker room, he realized that the rest of the players had begun shuffling in, wondering what was taking their captain and coach so long.

“I don’t think anyone knew,” Derek replied. Wordlessly, he pointed to the box, and watched several players let out sighs while other winced.  Meanwhile, Pete flipped ahead a few pages.

 

_November 12  
You really should lock your office door if you don’t want me going through your drawers. You should keep our rings locked up a little better. It’s been months, Jude. And yeah, I wanna put a ring on it. I want a chance to say yes. And we still haven’t christened your office._

_All in good time. In the meantime, you can always come home at a reasonable hour tonight and convince me I should rush my plan to propose. I’m not above bribery. In fact, as you read this, I’m quite possibly home waiting for you in our bed. Or my home office if you need staplers to help you get it on._

_November 19  
I was at the community center today. I wish I could spend more time here, but I don’t want to drag these kids into my drama. Right now it’s being kept quiet. There’s a kid here named Eliot Kincade. The last name spelling may be different, but I took it as a sign. He’s seven, and some dickwad called him unadoptable. I had to leave because I almost belted him. What the fuck makes this little boy unadoptable? Because he’s energetic? Because he’s older? Fuck them, Jude. No one saved me. Can we save him? I’m saying yes, now and always. You are my family, but I want to expand us. _

_I talked to Eliot’s case worker. She wasn’t too pleased about the “unadoptable” comment either. In fact, the assistant coach that said it is no longer at the community center. We have twenty seven hours of classes, a background check, and a homestudy to get done. I’ve put it on the schedule. Then I hung around the gym and watched Eliot dribble the ball carefully down the court, shoot, and miss. The look on his face about broke my heart. I’ll be proposing sooner than I thought, but not just yet. God, Gideon, I want to raise children with you. The house has so many rooms. We’ll start with Eliot. Then let’s fill it with siblings._

One of the players cleared his throat after Derek finished reading the scrawling notes on the page and said, “You know, part of me thought their relationship might still be a publicity stunt.” Others nodded.

Pete flipped the page.

 

_November 27  
I’m sitting on pins and needles. Literally and figuratively. The sewing kit might have been a great hiding spot, but I needed to tie my button back on. I really suck at sewing. Anyway, I hadn’t realized it was loose until I needed to be dressed and out the door. Usually you catch all of that stuff. Imagine my surprise when I open the box with the needles and thread and find the rings. It makes me wonder if everyone we work with knows the kind of man you are – that you are a wolf in sheep’s clothing. You may look innocent, but you are devious. It makes me proud. So proud that I’d love to say yes. Today?_

_Maybe tonight you can peel away my sheep costume and I can be a wolf for you. It’s not time yet, but I love how you know who I am inside and out._

 

_November 30  
I found it in our drawer, under the lube, and next to a toy that I don’t recognize. Are you trying to kill me? I’ve been distracted all damn day, and Pete’s about to bench me for the season. I’m saying yes tonight. I don’t know what to, but to something. _

_Did you really think you could make me beg you to marry me? When you riled me up, got me to the edge, and then left to spend the night at your apartment, you obviously didn’t notice the switch at the base of the new toy. My night was amazing. How was yours?_

 

Pete barked a laugh when one of the players, mid-drink, spewed water,  hitting several players around him. Another muttered, “Oh my God. I need to wash my brain.”

Pete flipped a few more pages. He knew there wouldn’t be many more.

 

_December 10  
I found the rings in the coffee. Thank God you hid the box with the filters or we’d never get the smell out. You know I make coffee every day. How you thought that would be a good place is beyond me. I saw the look on your face when you left. I know Oscar has been giving you shit. Baby, my foster parents may have been the biggest douchebags on the planet, but they were never this manipulative. I always knew how they felt. That I was nothing. That I was zero. I hate Oscar more and more every day, because he has someone so amazing wanting nothing but his love, and he spurns it. I’m skipping practice this afternoon. Come home. Let me take care of you as well as you take care of me, for now and always._

_You are all I need in this world. You are my everything – my family, my home, my wifey. Soon, we’ll start a new chapter. Just us and a home filled with kids._

_December 15  
You amaze me constantly, Jude. I can’t believe you went to all that trouble. No one’s ever done anything like this for me. My baby sister rocks. She’s so smart. And she really wanted to see me, even though I’ve led such a scandalous life! Thank you so much. I don’t think I’ve cried so much as I have in the last twenty four hours – since I opened the door and saw that beautiful young woman on my step. I’m going to ask her to stand up with me when I say my vows. And I’ll deny anything about tears if you say a word._

_I think I’m half in love with Laura in that she’s an awful lot like you. The other half is terrified because she’s an awful lot like you. She’s pretty damn scary when she gives me that same scheming grin. We can’t ever introduce her to Lionel or we’ll be outnumbered and screwed. I’m pretty sure they’re both smarter than us. Shit. I’m asking Lionel to stand up for me. They’re going to meet at least at the wedding. AFTER I propose, of course._

_December 21  
I’m lonely without you. Who knew a playboy like me would one day be unable to sleep without their partner with them? Does this make me a grown up? Thank you for packing the rings. They staved off the Chicago cold better than any blanket. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. In the meanwhile, there’s always phone sex. Who knows, maybe you’ll even propose?_

_I’ll never ever forget to lock my office door again. I still can’t look Jelena in the eye. Come home soon. I have a proposal waiting._

 

Pete looked up at the players, some of them smirking over the latest entry, other thinking of the date. Three days later, Jude and Zero would be driving from the community center near Zero’s old neighborhood to a party at the arena when they would be struck. Zero would be declared dead on impact, and Jude would go into a coma that lasted thirteen days.

Pete sat stock still, unable to flip the page. So Derek reached over his shoulder and did it for him. This entry was different from the rest. It must have been left early in the morning, when Pete had seen Jude come into the office to pick up some files.

Jude made this entry.

 

_December 24  
Gideon. I wanted to wait for your birthday in April, but I needed to move the timetable up. Christmas Eve will work just as well. We have both gotten to know Eliot as a friend, and we’ve both been approved to foster him with the intent to adopt, contingent on completing our coursework._

_When we started this journal, it was a joke. A lark. You would find the rings, leave them and this note in your locker, and I would reply. And the game would begin again. In that time, it has become so much more. Each entry is a reminder of how much you mean to me. It’s a testimony to your dedication, your heart, and your intent. It’s a promise of a life together. One I can no longer wait for._

_Gideon, will you marry me?_

 

No one spoke. Not a sound was made as everyone slowly left the locker room, left the arena, and headed for home. Game tomorrow or not, no ones heart was in it.

 

EPILOGUE

It was April before Jude came back to work. In late January, as he’d been doing his physical therapy, the wedding rings had appeared on his hospital nightstand. He’d wanted to scream. And when Lionel came in that day, he’d grabbed hold of her, put his head on her shoulder, and sobbed uncontrollably for the first time since the accident.

And then he’d read every entry.

By the time he was released from the hospital in early February, he’d realized that somewhere along the way, he and Gideon had built their dreams together. The house was there. So was the money. He knew he’d work, but he knew his priorities had changed.

Eliot Kincade moved in on March 17th. They held a St. Patrick’s themed party to celebrate. All the players showed up.

Jude still made deals, and cheered for his Devils, although not as loudly. The one he so longed to see would never step foot on the court again. But he couldn’t bring himself to enter the locker room. Not yet. That didn’t happen until the following fall.

After the six month required fostering period, and a review from social services, Jude stood in front of a court judge, and effectively said, “I do,” to a sweet little boy with his brains and Zero’s boundless energy. When the judge asked when he knew Eliot was his son, Jude replied honestly.

“Your honor, the day I met Eliot, I saw myself and my future husband in him. Not who we are, but who we could be. I saw the way he watched and learned. I saw the way he smiled shyly. But more than anything, I saw a boy that wanted love above all of that. There was never a doubt in my mind that he was ours, and that we could and would love him. That we could be his home. That _I_ could be his home.”

He heard Lionel sniffle behind him, and knew she would be blotting at her face with a kleenex. His eyes weren’t totally dry, either. And Eliot was leaning comfortably against his hip, smiling up at him. Before the judge could say anything, Jude added, “Your honor, losing my fiancé will always hurt. He taught me how to love and be loved. But this little boy has my heart, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Tears slipped down his cheeks now, the same as they did Eliot’s with this declaration. They stared at each other, and lost track of the proceedings until the gavel came down with, “And so it is ordered.”

Eliot Gideon Kinkade was introduced during the halftime show, half asleep on his father’s shoulder a few days later. After, Jude took that first step. It was the first time since the accident that Jude entered the locker room. He didn’t hold back his silent tears when he saw Zero’s cubby – the jersey still hanging behind plexiglass, a picture of the infamous kiss framed below, and the words In Memoriam engraved on a plaque above.

He didn’t sob uncontrollably as he’d been afraid he would. Instead, he let out a shaky, watery breath, smiled at his son, and lifted the boy into his arms. As they walked out past the other players who’d made a path, Jude looked around and said, “He’d be happy for us.”

And knew it was true.


End file.
